The Ghost in You
by Michmak
Summary: After Terminus, without Beth.
1. The Ghost in You

Title taken from The Psychedelic Furs "The Ghost in You"

This is my first Daryl/Beth fic - there might be more.

* * *

It's been days…weeks…months now, and the memory of her has only gotten sharper. He don't know how that's possible, but it is. He remembers her face better than he remembers his own - her smile, the flash of her grin when she teased him, the shine in her eyes, burned against the back of his eyelids like a tattoo. She had a way of sliding under his skin, past his defences, until she was part of him, part of the very marrow of his being. And each breath without her, each step away from her, he seems to be further away from himself.

He knows he ain't the same, traveling on this road to nowhere with his new family, a hollow tin man who somehow managed to find – and lose – his heart at the end of the world. Rick knows, of course. It's not something they need to talk about, but it's there in the concerned look that flashes his way whenever the bright blue of the day fades to the dusky blue of evening, the blue that's the same color as her eyes, or when Darryl takes just a second longer than normal to put a bolt through any blonde female walker that stumbles their way.

He s'poses Maggie knows as well. It's not like he told her anything, other than that Beth was just gone. Rick might'a told her the rest; he don't know, but Maggie never asks. He appreciates that about her – when Maggie is walking beside him, not saying nothing but missing Beth with him, he feels like maybe he ain't so alone.

He is though. Alone. Lonely. He ain't never missed no one the way he misses that girl. He wonders how she knew – _"You're gonna miss me so bad when I'm gone, Daryl Dixon"_ – and, in his darker moments, he wonders if he's cursed. He don't want to be no Lazarus, wandering the world killing things that are already dead, losing his family along the way, and remembering all the different ways he failed her - _"You're gonna be the last man standing. You are."_

He sometimes think he should just end it all. Stop fighting and lay down and let the dead get him, but he knows he won't. He can't. Because she could still be out there, still alive, and as long as there's a chance... The hope she gave him, just before she disappeared…well, he ain't got no choice but to keep on moving forward, with his family, and hope that one day he'll see her again.

He don't really believe that will ever happen, in the rational part of his mind that knows that good things aren't for him. He ain't stupid. But it don't matter how much he tells himself this, don't matter how much he don't think he believes – his heart keeps on beating her name.


	2. She Don't Fade

The days slip, one into another, and the ache don't seem to get no better. He don't know how much longer he can keep on keeping on; one foot in front of the other; breath in, breath out. He feels stretched so thin he could snap in two and just disappear in the wind, like a strand of spider silk. He feels so brittle it's a wonder his bones don't break from the weight of the guilt he carries around with him.

He don't sleep no more – or, hardly at all. Can't. Sleep just brings dreams of her, some of them memories and some of them not – and when he opens up his eyes and she's not there, it's like losing her all over again.

So – he hunts; he kills walkers; he eats, but not enough; and he survives.

He knows the others are worried about him; he's seen the concerned glances in his direction when they think he ain't looking, but there's nothing he can do about it. How do they expect him to act, when he's still trying to figure it out himself? Rick had approached him about it once – "Gotta try to live for her, brother," Rick had said. "Y'need to be strong, for when we find her again. She wouldn't want you to keep doing this to yourself."

"Ain't doing nothing to myself," he had grunted back. "Still here, right?"

-A-A-A-A-

Maggie had been the next one to approach him, carrying a camp bowl of squirrel soup. "Need to eat more, Daryl," she offered, handing him the soup. "Can't afford to lose any more weight."

Daryl had shrugged, "I'll eat when I'm hungry." Maggie's outstretched hand hangs between them for a moment, like the thousands of words between them that can't be said, before she puts the soup on the log beside him and returns to Glenn's side back at the campfire.

Later, when the rest of the group is asleep, and it's only him and Michonne on watch, he dumps the soup.

-A-A-A-A-

"We're losing him," he overhears Carol whisper to Rick a few days later, "you have to do something, Rick."

"What?" Rick says back. "What can I do? He's a grown man – can't force him to do anything he doesn't want to. We just gotta let him work this out on his own."

"But he's not," Carol replied. "He's just fading away. I'm worried about him."

"I am too, we all are," Rick had sighed, "but he won't talk about it and he won't stop looking. And we're not going anywhere without him, so that means we keep looking too. We just need to find her, one way or the other, that's the only way…"

"But what if she's dead?" Carol's blunt question makes the back of Daryl's eyes burn.

Rick is silent for a moment, before he sighs. "Let's cross that bridge when…if…we come to it. For his sake – for all of us – let's just hope she's alive. We need him with us. I need him with us. And that means we have to find Beth."

-A-A-A-A-

"Ah, hell no," Abraham states the next day, when Rick tells him they ain't ready to give up and head to Washington just yet. "How much longer are you going to keep this up? Look, I never knew the girl and I'm sure she was a nice kid, but is she really worth compromising the future of the entire goddamn world?"

"She's my sister," Maggie begins, before Abraham steamrolls right over her, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration.

"She's gone. Face it, she's probably dead and if she isn't she probably wishes she were. We don't have any idea – none at all – where she is, who took her, what they used her for. We've been wandering around for weeks now, chasing a ghost. What makes her so special?"

Daryl has Abraham by the neck before anyone can even blink. "She's Beth," he grates out. "And I ain't going nowhere until I find her. She ain't dead. She just…she ain't dead." His voice is gritty and low, and he realizes that's the most he's spoken to anyone in weeks. He gives Abraham's throat another squeeze before letting him go and stepping back. "Don't you talk about her like she ain't important. Because she is. She's everything."

* * *

This song just screams Daryl/Beth to me:

Make it Go Away or Make it Better by Holly Cole.

Make it go away or make it better  
Isn't that what love is supposed to do?  
Make it go away or make it better  
Cause I would do either one for you

This is not the way you should see me  
This is not the face I recognize  
Could I lay my head down here for a moment?  
Would you sing to me like I'm your child?

Cause I'm not angry I'm not crying  
I'm just in over my head  
You could be the angel that stayed on my shoulder  
When all of the other angels left

Make it go away  
Cause I am weak and  
This is more than one should have to take  
If you do this for me then I will promise  
I'll make it go away for you someday

There are reasons with silver linings  
There are lessons but I don't care  
Cause I just need a hand that I can hold onto  
When it's darker than death out there

Oh, and I'm so cold  
And so far away from my home  
But tonight you're where I belong  
You're everything right  
When I'm everything wrong

So make it go away or make it better  
Isn't that what loves supposed to do?  
Just make it go away or make it better  
Cause I would do either one for you

Make it go away or make it better  
Isn't that what love's supposed to do?  
Just make it go away or make it better  
Cause I would do either one for you


	3. Inside You, the Time Moves

"Those were Beth's favorites," Maggie comments the next week. She is sitting beside him on a log, and he knows she's only there because she wants to make sure he eats the piece of squirrel meat she brought him. She ain't too subtle about it.

He tries not to flinch at the sound of Beth's name, and his eyes are immediately drawn to the ladybug she's pointing at, which has landed on the top of his crossbow, propped beside his knees.

Maggie sees him looking, and smiles wistfully. "I think it's because Daddy used to call her Ladybug when she was little. She always said that ladybugs were lucky."

He watches the little insect as it moves across the top of his bow before flying away. "Thought she'd have liked kittens or ponies or some shit like that. Should'a known…that girl was always surprisin' me." His voice sounds like dirt and gravel and rust, and he's surprised he actually even responded at all, but Maggie beams at him.

"I'd like to hear about it, sometime. If you want to talk, that is. I'd like to know how she was after you guys escaped together."

He can't help but notice the way her eyes shine all hopeful and nervous at him when she says this to him. He can't help but see a bit of Beth in them. When he don't respond right away, Maggie seems to crumple in on herself a bit and bites her lip. Beth used to do that, too. Before he can think it through, he grits out, "Whaddayu wanna know?" The big beaming smile that lights up her face coalesces his thoughts.

_'Yep,'_ he thinks, _'she's Beth's sister, alright.'_

_~A~A~A~A~_

For the rest of the week, Maggie – and by extension Glen – is stuck to his side like glue. "She actually drank moonshine?" she laughs at that, "My little sister?" Or, "Can't imagine she'd like eating mud snake too much," or "Yeah, sounds like her," when he tells her about getting him to cover up the rich lady's body on the mannequin legs at the country club.

The thing is, the more he talks about Beth the less it hurts. The pain is still there, of course it is – that won't change until he finds her – but his grief seems lighter when it's shared.

In turn, Maggie tells him stories about Beth from before, even though he don't ask her to. She tells him about the time Beth found a baby bird fallen out of its nest and managed to raise it even though they all thought it would die. She tells him about the time Beth thought she'd surprise everyone with making dinner for them, but left her oven mitts in the oven and set the kitchen on fire, and they had to order out. She tells him about the time Beth was suspended from school when she was in grade two for punching a boy in grade four because he was being a bully.

He almost smiles at that one, 'cuz he knows Beth ain't scared of standing up to nobody. Instead, he tells Maggie about her yelling at him, and setting the moonshine shack on fire.

"We burned it down," he murmurs, "burned it all away."

~A~A~A~A~

That night, he manages to sleep for more than two hours.

_"You're getting closer,"_ Beth whispers to him in his dreams. _"You're getting closer."_

~A~A~A~A~

When he wakes up the next morning the first thing he see is a ladybug. He see another one at breakfast, and two more before lunch time. By mid-afternoon, he's seen more still. His steps get brisker, he stands taller. He's getting closer, and the faster his boots eat up the miles between them, the sooner he'll see her again. Maggie seems to pick up on his mood – hell, he can feel the hope he's exuding from his pores – and she can't seem to help the excited smile lighting her face.

The others are having a hard time keeping up with them, but Daryl don't want to slow down. He knows…he knows she's just up there ahead of him somewhere.

He knows it.

~A~A~A~A~

They don't stop to make camp until it's already well past dusk.

"Tomorrow," Maggie murmurs, when she and Glen try to pull him back to the group and eat something.

_"Tomorrow,"_ Beth whispers in his dreams that night.

"Today," he vows, when a ladybug lands on his crossbow the next morning.

* * *

Soundtrack song for today's chapter brought to you by Tom Mcrea: You Only Disappear

Close my eyes, I'm moving still

Magazines and dollar bills

And you wake up to a fall of snow

Your telephone, your radio

Baby I'll call up a storm and keep you safe from harm

But you only, you only disappear

I can live with my regrets

Still raise a smile, still raise my head

And a stranger God can be so cruel

And a holy fool is still a fool

But this is all I can say, I have lost my way

But you only, you only disappear

With a word, with a line

With a smile that says goodbye

Baby says goodbye

It's raining now on royal street

And I'd walk to you if I could trust my feet


	4. Angels Fall Like Rain

Damnit - two chapters in less than twelve hours? I've been bit.

* * *

It starts raining in the early afternoon – not pouring, but heavy enough that they're all soaked through the skin pretty quickly. He don't mind it so much, but he can see some 'a the others shivering, and L'il Asskicker hasn't stopped whimpering. He knows she can't be out in the rain much longer. Slanting a glance crossways at Rick, Daryl nods his head back at Judith. "Need to find somewhere out of this rain; don't want her gittin' sick."

"I've been looking for some type a shelter, but wasn't gonna bring it up until I found something. I know you don't want to stop this early."

Daryl scowls because it's true. He don't want to stop – but sometimes want to and need to are two different things. "Let's just find someplace. Once we git everyone settled, I'm'a scout around, see what I can find."

The promise of shelter spurs everyone on, and it's only about thirty minutes later Daryl spots a cabin of some sorts through the trees. He points it out to Rick silently, and holds up his hand to get the rest of them to stop.

"Think it's safe?" Rick whispers to him.

"Dunno. Too hard to tell through the rain. Lemme git closer."

"I'll go with you," Glenn offers, before anyone else can say anything. Daryl nods at him curtly, spares a quick glance at the rest of the group, and disappears silently into the trees.

_~A~A~A~A~_

The cabin don't look like much from the outside, and there don't appear to be any walkers nearby that he can see. Glenn guards his back as he steps up onto the sagging porch and bangs on the door, before gingerly turning the knob. To his surprise, it ain't locked. It is, however, blocked by something.

"Dammit," he swears, putting his shoulder against it and shoving, before he finally manages to get it open enough to squeeze himself in. It takes a few seconds for his eyes to adjust to the dimness inside, but when they do he sees a ratty couch on its side, blocking the entrance.

Glenn has slid in behind him, and quickly hands him a flashlight. The coals in the fireplace are still red.

"Someone's been here recently," the younger man whispers.

"May still be," Daryl murmurs back. "Ain't no back door outta this place that I can see." He shines the light around the room, before jerking his head towards a closed door that leads to what can only be a bedroom.

Glenn nods, centering his gun on the door as Daryl pushes it open. Once again, the room is empty – but a sleeping bag is partially opened on the double bed, and there's a tattered backpack sitting off to the side. The small window is boarded up, with only a bit of space open at the bottom, so he knows that whoever owns the bag didn't get out that way unless they're really skinny. Glenn looks like he's about to say something, but stops when Daryl shakes his head at him and points under the bed. A quick check with the flashlight reveals nothing there either. The two man make their way back to the main room.

"What do you think?" Glenn asks. "Safe?"

Daryl shrugs. "Think so. Whoever was here ain't here no more, and if they come back…well, we got the numbers. Might be a bit of a squeeze to fit everyone in here though. You wanna go back and git 'em? I'll keep lookin' around."

_~A~A~A~A~_

It isn't until he's circled the shack twice that he spots the outhouse, and the only reason he even sees it – weathered and hidden as it is in behind half a cord or so of chopped wood – is because a ladybug had landed on his bow again. He swears it's gotta be the same one, following him somehow; seems too big a coincidence for it not to be. He'd bin staring at it for a few seconds before it had flown away, and Daryl had spotted the small building when the small insect flew right at it and landed on the door.

He can't help the way his heart lurches into his throat at the sight of it. He ain't a man that believes in omens, and he don't have faith in nothing' 'cepting his ability to shoot an arrow and Beth, but for some reason he's smiling when he approaches the outhouse and gently knocks on the door.

"Beth?" he whispers, "Beth, you in there?"

He don't lift his crossbow when the door swings wide; don't hesitate to let it drop in the dirt as he opens his arms; don't even attempt to hide his tears when he sinks to his knees, holdin' her tight in his arms.

"Knew it," he whispers, into her blonde hair, "knew it'd be today."

* * *

Next song in the soundtrack: Warm Heart in a Cold World by Dave Barnes

Let your hair down onto this blanket, baby

Let's stare up at this Southern moon

And the stars that are falling, still falling

Oh, baby, I'm still falling

We've been through what we've been through, baby

You and I and these years gone by

And I'm falling, still falling

Oh, baby, I'm still falling

You are the light that guides me home

You are the place where my heart belongs

My only woman, my angel girl

You're my warm heart in a cold world

You're my warm heart

In a cold world

We don't need what we're missing, baby

All I need is to see you smile

I'm falling, still falling

Oh, baby, I'm still falling

You are the light that guides me home

You are the place where my heart belongs

My only woman, my angel girl

You're my warm heart in a cold world

You're my warm heart

In a cold world

We've seen the heartache

Lived through tears

At the end of the world

I'll still be standing here

You are the light that guides me home

You are the place where my heart belongs

My only woman, my angel girl

You're my warm heart in a cold world

You're my warm heart

In a cold world


	5. Stars Come Down in You

So, this started as a one shot and turned into...whatever this is. This story will break into two, possibly three sections - all will be posted here, and this chapter is the end of the first part of this mini-series. More to come, probably sooner rather than later. Next part of this little series is called: His Halo Lights the Way. Part one will be posted within the next day or two.

Thanks to everyone reading it; if you feel like commenting on it, that would be great. Feedback is always appreciated.

* * *

He don't know how long he sits there in the dirt; only knows he'd stay there forever if he could. Beth is wrapped around him like a limpet and, for the first time since she was taken, he feels like he's breathing properly again. He can smell her – dirt and sweat and salty tears; warm skin, rain and Beth, Beth, Beth. All his senses seem to have gone into overdrive, and every single one of them is focused entirely on the girl crying in his arms.

He buries his hands in her hair; big, square palms cupping her jaw; dirty, scarred thumbs wiping away her tears; and tilts her face up enough so that he can really look at her. Her eyes – which he didn't really believe could be as blue as he remembered – are even more so, the tears in them making them shine and refract like a universe of stars. Her pale skin is only visible in the tracks of her tears, her face and hair so dirty he almost can't see the blonde at all. He don't think he's ever seen anyone so beautiful in his whole like.

"Damn, girl," he whispers hoarsely, "ain't you a sight for sore eyes."

Eventually, after what seems like hours and still isn't long enough, he manages to disentangle his arms from around her and pull her to her feet. She's lost weight – a lot of it – and her collarbones stand out like blades against the neckline of her filthy shirt. Her hands, which immediately reach out to clutch at his vest the minute he's got her up, are emaciated; fingers like twigs, wrists so brittle they look like they'd snap at the slightest pressure. He gently takes one and lifts it up to his face, kissing the scar on her wrist. He still ain't asked her what happened to her and how she got away, and he don't want to – at least not until the others arrived. Figures it will be hard enough to hear it once. Instead, he gently leads her around the cabin to the steps on the porch, keeping one eye on her and the other looking out for his people. "Rest of the group'll be here soon," he tells her as he sits on the top step, cradling her against him. "We bin lookin' for you a long time. Christ, Beth…I'm so sorry I lost ya."

~A~A~A~A~

The reunion between Beth and the group – her sister – is just as emotional as he'd thought it would be. Maggie can't stop crying and hugging Beth, which is just slightly awkward, if only because Beth won't relinquish her hold on him. In hardly no time at all, he's got two Greene girls in his lap. Everyone is talking over everyone else, and they're louder than they should be considering they're in the middle of the goddamn apocalypse and the walkers have excellent hearing, and normally he'd be telling everyone to shut the hell up, but he can't. All he can do is stare at the miracle in his arms – the blonde one, not the miracle's sister. His right hand seems to have a mind of its own, running up and down her back, fingers trailing against the notches of her vertebrae, occasionally splaying out in the narrows between the back of her rib cage. His left hand is being held tight by Beth.

It isn't until some time has passed – five, ten minutes, hell, maybe even more for all he knows – that he realizes that even though everyone else is talking, Beth most definitely isn't. At first, he thinks it's because she's overwhelmed, and Maggie – who is talking a mile a minute and asking a million questions – isn't giving her any time to respond, but he quickly realizes that's not it. Beth's eyes are darting around the room, taking everything in, and although she's undeniably joyful to be back with her family, when her eyes catch and hold with his, he can see her absolute fear. He's still trying to figure out what's going on when he realizes that everyone else has stopped talking as well, and they're all staring at him and the two girls on his lap.

"Beth…Bethy? Are you…can you tell me what happened to you?" Maggie's question seems shrill in the sudden silence. "Bethy?"

But Beth only shakes her head, shrinking in on herself and burrowing into his side. He can feel the pounding of her heart through her thin back, can hear each shaky exhale that escapes her chapped lips as she sobs – silently – against him.

* * *

Soundtrack song: If It Be Your Will by Leonard Cohen

If it be your will that I speak no more  
And my voice be still as it was before  
I will speak no more, I shall abide until  
I am spoken for, if it be your will

If it be your will that a voice be true  
From this broken hill I will sing to you  
From this broken hill all your praises they shall ring  
If it be your will to let me sing

From this broken hill all your praises they shall ring  
If it be your will to let me sing

If it be your will, if there is a choice  
Let the rivers fill, let the hills rejoice  
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell  
If it be your will to make us well

And draw us near, and bind us tight  
All your children here in their rags of light  
In our rags of light, all dressed to kill  
And end this night, if it be your will

If it be your will.


End file.
